Past, present and future

Well, here we are at the end of the month (at last!) And that means that this is the last post I have to write! Yay!

I’m going to start this post by having a look back on the month. I think some of the posts have been thought provoking and some have just been pure rubbish! In fact, now I’ve read some of the more thoughtful ones again, I can see that at least one of them is rubbish! How I managed to get two disparate ideas like that in to one post I’ll never know! (And no, I’m not going to say which one or ones I’m on about!)

To say this month has been traumatic for me would be a slight understatement. I think I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster these past few weeks. I can see this in my writing, and may be you can as well. I have some good friends who have helped me through this period as I mentioned in Friends. As well as getting me through the emotional stress I’ve been through, they have also helped with this blog by supplying me with ideas and thoughts, whether intentionally or not. And I’m especially grateful to that one friend who was there when I was really having a tough time (yes that’s YOU!) I really can’t say thank you enough.

Some of the hardest posts I’ve written this month have actuallybeen the shorter ones. These were the ones where I had a complete lack of inspiration and really struggled to come up with something to write about.

Conversely some of the easiest to write we’re the ones that probably give you the most to think about. Regrets, wrong decisions and hindsight, A blank piece of paper and Uncertainty (and if you look back just a little before the month started at The light at the end of the tunnel) were all written with very little effort. The words just flowed naturally. I know that some of them are a bit disjointed and perhaps could have done with a bit of proof reading and tidying up, but never mind. More than one of those posts were written not just because I needed something to put on the blog for that day, there were other reasons too. But those “hidden” reasons I’m afraid are not something I don’t wish to discuss here. Sorry.

And so to the present. As I sit here and write this, I’m in what I call “my happy place”. This is not a physical place, but a state of mind. I’m happy and content with things at the moment. Why am I feeling like this? I feel I’ve managed to survive the last month and at the moment I don’t have anything to worry about. Even getting soaked in the rain today didn’t worry me!  Also, over this past weekend I’ve seen and chatted with quite a few of my friends. They included old friends, new friends, closest and bestest friends, and ones I care deeply about. Some are going through or have been through some tough times recently, and one has come through that tough patch and in the space of six weeks has become the happiest I’ve seen her in a long time. And that has shown me that no matter how bad things look at the moment, they can get better and it can be from a really unexpected direction.

And what of the future? Will I keep blogging? Will I stay in my happy place?

As I said at the end of November last year, I’ll try to continue, but I can’t see it happening every day. But I’ll do my best to post regularly, especially if I have something to get of my chest!

And how long will I stay here in my happy place? Well I don’t know. I want to stay here as long as possible because I like feeling like this. But I suspect it won’t be for long.

As some of you may have figured out, there has been an underlying theme to some of the posts I’ve made over the past few weeks. Something happened quite unexpectedly that made me look at how I wanted my life to progress. I decided for various reasons, I didn’t want to take a particular route. But it hasn’t been that simple. Ever since that decision, it seems that whichever path I take, I always seem to be heading back to the same point. But I’m still unsure about heading in that direction because despite there being a slim chance of happiness, I fear that most of the routes will lead to hurt and pain. But it’s as if I’m being herded in the direction. I did ask God for a sign, and as I posted he gave me one very quickly. I read it one way though and other people have read it a different way. Which really doesn’t help. At the moment I want to just sit tight and see what happens, but I also fear that if it is what God wants me to do, then if I leave it too late, he may take it away from me. So I think I’ll just put it back in to His hands, and pray that I don’t lose the opportunity if it’s what He wants me to do.

But whatever happens, I’m sure that you dear reader will find out from this blog!

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