Earlier this evening I was at the final rehearsal for this weekend’s performance of Cinderella. For those who don’t know, I’m involved with Patcham Barnstormers, an amateur theatrical group attached to Patcham Methodist Church here in Brighton. I play with the lights for them.
Well for this show, I was asked to provide the flash-bangs for the Fairy Godmother during the show. So I duly hired the kit and purchase the cartridges, and tonight I set one off. The reaction I got was not what I expected. The general feeling was that there was too much smoke for the size of the hall, and so they would not be used. This got to me. And for the rest of the evening I was in a bit of a bad mood.
I put this mood down to being tired. With the show this weekend, most of the past week or so has been spent preparing for it. Combined with work, this has left me feeling a bit run down and tired.
However, when I got home I felt like crying, and I knew straight away what the problem was/is.
Last week I was on holiday with my daughter. Unfortunately due to rehearsals and having to set up the show, I wasn’t able to devout as much of my time and attention to her as I would have like. In fact, it’s probably true to say that the show to precedence over her. Something I was not happy about, but it had to be done.
When she goes back to her mum, I always feel sad and usually get slightly depressed a day or two afterwards. This time I didn’t; I thought that by being busy I had managed to work through it. But it would seem that all I did was delay it. And what happened at rehearsal this evening was probably the final straw. It was no ones fault, and I certainly don’t blame anyone. Any other time, it would have been just one of those things. But not tonight.
And reading Drowning The Silence probably hasn’t helped. I can so relate to it. Sorry Neil, but I may have to stop reading you excellent work for a few days.
The good news is that this feeling normally only lasts for a day or two. And any way, I have to be alright by tomorrow night when the curtain opens for the first performance. And in two weeks time I’ll be seeing my little girl again. It’ll be her twelfth birthday and she’ll probably say that she’s not my “little girl” anymore. But she’ll always be my little girl to me.
And with that I will wish you all a good night. It’s time to grab a few hours sleep before a very long three days. Night night.