I‘ve recently been spending a lot of time (and energy) trying to decide if I’m happy with my life and what I want to do in the future. This situation has been brought on by numerous unrelated invents all coming together and general making me think. There have been changes at work which I’m unhappy about and now there are rumours of further changes along the same lines. I’m getting involved in more and more things in outside work and finding the time to devout to the is getting harder.
I recently went on a “quiet day” with my Church and others within the Circuit. I had no idea what I was going to but I knew it would be a time of reflection an prayer. The venue was at a farm just outside Lewes, Sussex and consisted of an old Great Hall and some very large grounds surrounding the farmhouse.
Apart from two or three short sessions led by the Minister, the entire day was conducted in silence and we were left to do as we pleased. The idea was that being away from the distractions of everyday life, we would be able to pray and “reconnect” with God.
Well I spent the almost the entire time away from the main building and the rest of the group, only going back for lunch and the Eucharist at the end. I spent the time thinking about my relationship with God and about my life at the moment and in the future.
During this time it became clear to me that I am not happy with my life at the moment, and that I need to do something about it. I’m not too happy about work, my finances and the amount of time that I get to spend with my daughter (or the quality of that time). I think that I’m still suffering from the depression that I found myself in after my divorce. So it’s time to do something about it.
I need to get a grip of the work situation. Either find a new job or committee to going self employed. I’ve been self employed for about 8 years doing the odd bit of IT work and selling computer supplies, but I’ve never really committed myself to it. Which is why I’m still employed full time.
Hopefully once I’ve sorted that out, the finances will begin to look better and I’ll be able to spend more/better time with my daughter.
I also need to have good clear out at home. I think I’ve still got stuff here that hasn’t been touched since we moved in! So before I do anything else, I’m going to do some serious work on the flat. Hopefully that will then give me inspiration to do the rest of things that need doing.
The strange thing is that I have recently been reading several blogs (including Lisa’s and Mousewords’) which have made me come to the same conclusion and given me inspiration. Is it coincidence or divine intervention?
One other thing that need to do is allow myself some “me” time everyday. So, enough writing, I’m off to curl up with a good book.